Jun 23, 2015

"Stamping Destroyed My Life" A Dear Paperlicious EXCLUSIVE

 Exclusive Excerpt:

"On a sunny Saturday in 2001, M walked into her local craft store looking for a 3 sided piece of poster board for her daughter's science fair project.  On her way to the poster board, M's eye caught a display of little jars of brightly colored powder nestled in a neat little row....  Although M did not know it at the time, her walk into a craft store that day was her first step towards a lifetime of heartache and sorrow, because that is the day that M became a stamper."

Dateline:  June 23, 2015

Press Release 


Once highly regarded, but now shunned, and using the pseudonym "M",  M will publish Stamping Destroyed My Life, it was announced this morning by Deefunct Publishing Co, LLC.

Stamping Destroyed My Life is the gripping story of how a suburban housewife with everything,  including a Scrapbox filled with hundreds of thousands of dollars of stamping paraphernalia, ended up sentenced to 3 to 5 years, with only a comic sans alphabet stamp set and a touch-too-orange red dye ink pad left in her roll on tote.

Its 466 pages are filled with snappy dialogue and a rapid-paced plot that rips off the lid of the stamping world.  Just a few of the topics M uncovers:
  • Design Team Nightmares
  • What happened when stampers learned that elephants and foxes do not really speak
  • Release Night Mania
  • Why instagram has so many pictures of cats
  • The differences between stampers in Washington State and stampers in Utah, and
  • What's in photopolymer that turns stampers into crackanistas (hint:  added sugar).
But this book isn't just about the stamping industry.

It's about M.

You will enter M's world, from home parties in the tony suburbs of Washington DC to the gritty subways of New York, where furtive stampers unload barely used supplies in exchange for a sneak peek at the next release of something.  Watch M on a stamping cruise, gulping watered-down margaritas while playing the penny slots to earn enough for "more".  See M at CHA, stealing designs and selling them to anyone who can explain the planner craze, and at a brad factory-turned-sequin factory in the far east, stuffing her carumba with precious round plastic gold pieces.

Live with M as she reaches the heights of the stamping industry only to fall victim to the very industry that breathed hot gun air into her mundane life.  Find out what grade her son got on the science fair project ....  and whether M can complete her sentence at a halfway house.

Stay tuned to this blog for further updates, including what famous retired person will play M in the movie!!!!!

Expected publication date:  2017
Expected movie release:  2020 

Next:  Prologue

49 comments:

Betty Keefe said...

can't wait til this comes out - would love to be your proofreader (am an english major, experienced proofreader AND stamper) - sounds like a potential for a new york times bestseller!!!!

I Card Everyone said...

Now that you mention it... I'm perfect for the part!
=] M

Anonymous said...

You crack me up. Always.

Jackie Parkins said...

You crack me up, too, DP. I think you should play the part of M in the movie. Mr. DP can play the long-suffering husband, I'm sure he'd be perfect in the role :-)

Starla said...

I protest! I did NOT authorize this book on my life!! (Wait. Did I sign something while in a stamping blackout? No. No, I'm sure I would have remembered while under hypnosis for recovery. I need a lawyer. No. I'm fine. It's been so long since I was in that world that no one would would associate it with me.)

Haha!! A good giggle to start my day!!

Helen said...

Will your book be hard copy, paperback or ebook?

IamDerby said...

My initial is M.... hey is this about me??? It seems so strangely familiar....

Jill J said...

You know, I woke up a bit glum but this MADE MY DAY!!! BWAAAAAA! Please write this book. I'd read it!

Joan B said...

looks like there may be some competition!

Joan B said...

all of the above. thanks for asking!!!

Joan B said...

I don't know Michele, is it??

Vera Yates (Ling) said...

Oh my word... this is so awesome! :D

Glorie said...

Too funny!

Sherri Thacker said...

This is HILARIOUS! Describes ALOT of us stampers!

Jeanne said...

Too funny. Actually, this will be a best seller! Lots of us identify, you know.

Karen D. said...

thanks for the BIG giggle today mf!

Mary W P said...

Hilarious!! I think every crafter can identify with "M"....I sure can! Though I've never been to CHA so I am a bit jealous...:-)

Diane McVey said...

Bwahahaha!!!! That is so true! I love your mind. Thanks for the smiles! 😅

Cynthia said...

I love this!! I hope you don't mind that I've shared your blog with some fellow stampers. I know they'll get as big a kick out of this as I did. And thanks for sharing all your inspirational cards too.

Joan B said...

of course not. enjoy!

Carol Cel said...

This is awesome! This "story" hits home to so many of us!

Alanna said...

What a fun story. :)

Debbie Olson said...

Bwahaha--i read this to Rick, and he said he heard that they're already discussing a sequel! 😉

Anonymous said...

You kill me. - Your SIL in SoCal

Joan B said...

Hi there cutie!

~amy~ said...

ooohhh....can't wait :)
Curious minds want to know: The differences between stampers in Washington State and stampers in Utah

carole (TruCarMa) said...

Can I pre-order this on Amazon?

Joan B said...

yes, just send me the $$ directly and I'll make sure "M" gets it!

Joan B said...

We have to wait for the book!

Tammy said...

LOVE THIS! Truly made my day.

Silvergirl said...

Have you been sniffing your markers again? Haha! I mean... that's totally "M", not you. ;)

Funny stuff... and so, SO true it's scary.

Cindy O said...

Subtitle: Fifty Shades of Bling? Can we get our choice of cover, or personalize it with our favorite stamps and die cuts?

s said...

"...to earn enough for "more"...." BWAAAAHHAAAA! Squirt milk out your nose funny. You are a gifted writer, Joan.
Kegbo

Leslie Miller said...

I like the brad factory-turned-sequin-factory! So true. This is almost scary! There's something here that each of us can relate to. I'd read it!

Dee in N.H. said...

ROTFL!!!!! And what a slippery slope it is.........

My Card Attic: Hazel said...

This was sooo funny!! I could relate to most of it . . . no, make that . . . all of it, especially the bit about, "Release Night Mania" . . . I am literally poised over my keyboard, ready to pounce on each (and sometimes every) new release!! Thanks for the laugh! Hazel xx

Deborah Frings said...

You always make me laugh! I seem to recognise elements of the story here too! But I'm not addicted at all - no, not me! :)

Lynne in NI said...

Hahaha I can see myself in quite a bit of this story too ;)

chinamomxtwo said...

This is seriously funny stuff! ha ha!! Thanks for the smile :)

T. Kaiser said...

In a nostalgic mood, I decided to look up some bloggers I used to follow. So glad I did - your light hearted writing is a pleasure to read.

linf54 said...

Soooo funny - will there be a book tour also?

Joan B said...

I hope so!

Cornelia (fun stamping) said...

Absolutely hilarious! Still laughing! So true!

Jeri said...

Oh, dear fellow writer/stamper! I have JUST found you and you have hooked me, for sure. Best wishes on your dealings with Deefunct Publishing, though the name doesn't sound too promising, now does it? Great blog and beautiful cards!
www.jerichaseferris.com

Dawn@Petals.Paper.SimpleThymes said...

This sounds like a 'must read' for this newbie stamper, a cautionary tale perhaps! Great post, Joan! ♡

Trish said...

I'll buy this book and then turn it into an altered book art journal, fill it with zentagled shaker pages- oh boy, oh boy! Can't wait for next episode...

Rosy Newlun said...

I'm waiting for the movie!!!!

Lyndal said...

As long as your Opening Night doesn't clash with Release Night, I'll be there with sequins and glitter!!!

Andrew and Bertha Pilgrim said...

Hilarious! Just discovered this storyline! Glad I found it before the movie is released!