Mar 6, 2016

Stamping Destroyed My Life: Chapter 16

To start this story at the beginning, please go here and follow the links.  And thanks for reading!

Last week, I accidentally hit "publish" instead of "save" while in the middle of working on this chapter.  So if you read an earlier version of this chapter on feedly or elsewhere, this version is the correct one! Sorry about that!

Chapter 16:  "What a fantastic hobby!!"

To remind you where the story left off  -- a quote from the end of Chapter 15:

"Much of our first floor was covered with glue, and as advertised, it was permanent.  John called our homeowners insurance and they agreed to send a disaster recovery team to the house on Saturday.

He seemed a little upset, so I told him, "Listen, John, this isn't my fault.  I followed the directions!! And the MAN comes with a lifetime guarantee.  That must be worth something!  I'm sure the manufacturer will pay us a lot for all of this!  We should hire one of those disaster lawyers and sue them.  We'll make a fortune!"

John walked over to the counter.  He picked up his car keys, turned to me and said, "M, your stamping days are officially over.  Find another hobby."  And he walked out the house."

Find another hobby?  Oh, John, if only I had listened to you. . . .

I followed John out to the driveway.

"Wait a Perfect Peach minute!," I yelled.  "Don't be angry at me.  And where are you going?"

John stopped and replied, "I'm going to pick up the kids.  Get us a hotel for the next few nights.  I'll be back in 20 minutes."  

The next day we contacted our homeowner's insurance and, at my urging, John agreed to come with me to see Andy about suing the MAN.

Andrew Farther & Associates
Attorneys at Law

Dear Happy Craft Company:

This firm represents John and M on a matter related to the negligent operation of a product sold by your company that is "designed to apply adhesive in a unique manner," known as the Multiple Adhesives Now, or the "MAN."  M purchased a MAN directly from your online store.  M assembled the MAN pursuant to the directions and attempted to use it, again pursuant to the directions that accompanied the MAN.

Within 5 minutes of turning on the MAN, large amounts of hot glue suddenly and without warning cascaded onto a table and then onto the floor, spreading through a large portion of the first floor of the residence.  In an attempt to mitigate damages to her residence, M made an effort to clean up the glue, but slipped and fell, causing huge amounts of glue to spread throughout her residence.  In addition, some of the dangerously hot glue spilled onto her hand, causing serious burns to said hand.

During this incident, the MAN began to emit the odor of burnt plastic and 911 was called.  Police, firemen, and paramedics entered the home and, as a direct consequence of the faulty and dangerous operation of the MAN, these individuals stepped in the hot glue, which was then tracked throughout the home.

The permanent adhesive used in the MAN destroyed the floors on the first floor of their residence and some of the furniture.  In addition, M suffered the loss of, admittedly, just a few of her craft supplies.

The damages include:
  • first floor hardwood and ceramic tile ($11,000),
  • furniture ($5,890),
  • craft supplies that were on the floor of the craft room, including, but not limited to, embossing powders, stamp cleaner, stamp scrubber, loose glitter, glitter glue, glitter paper, glitter tape, pictures of glitter, glitter wipes, self healing mat, mat needing bandages, glass mat, heat guns, dye inks, pigment inks, chalk inks, fabric inks, hybrid inks, waterproof inks, versamark, metallic inks, inks just for plastic, ink refills, teeny buttons, gigantic buttons, lace trim, paintbrushes, paints, markers, cardstock, glossy paper, vellum, mulberry paper, rubber stamps, felt, A2 envelopes, square envelopes, mini envelopes, clear envelopes, paper trimmers, patterned paper; ribbon scissors, paper scissors, scallop scissors, zig zag scissors, scissors to cut rubber, scissors for fussy cutting; round, square, oval, rectangle, heart, bunny, flower, leaf, butterfly, and border punches; organza, satin, and grosgrain ribbons; twines, cords, needle, thread, craft knife, extra blades for said knife, fabric bags, embroidery floss, beads, brads; small eyelets, medium eyelets, big eyelets, eyelets that are just right; eyelet setter, mini hammer, mini iron, tape, glue gun, glue sticks, dimensionals, colored pencils, brayer, watercolor pencils, feathers, light box, stencils, stencil brushes, sponges, pencil sharpener, ruler, t-ruler, masking tape, and 17 and a half mini snicker bars. ($23,000), and
  • medical costs for treatment of SCD (sudden craft deprivation); replacement housing and clothing; and lost income ($102,100).

source:  unknown

In addition, M and John and their children suffered emotional distress as the direct and predictable consequence of Happy Craft Company's negligence.  For example, M was unable to participate in several highly competitive stamping "challenges," depriving her of the opportunity to come in first place, and the ability to feel like an artist for an hour and a half.  Therefore, your company is liable for an additional $1,000,000 for the negligent infliction of emotional distress.

This letter serves as formal and immediate demand for $1,132,990.


Andrew Farther, Esq.


We stuck it to the MAN and settled for $49,000. Got to love the law.

It cost about $17,000 to repair the house and pay for the hotel where we had to stay while the repairs were completed, and the cost of the co-pay to see a doc for my hand and treat me for SCD.

After paying our lawyer and reimbursing our insurance company, I ended up with $12,000.  Add that to the $5,000 tax refund I got when I wrote off my craft expenses as a demo for GDWS, and I had made $17,000 since I met Gina at Craft Stuffing.

Stamping was making me rich. What a fantastic hobby!!! And you can file that.

John was wrapped up in some big lawsuit at work, and didn't seem to remember telling me to get another hobby, and I wasn't about to remind him.  Once the house was repaired, I replaced my crafty supplies and got back to stamping.

I had found some forums on the internet that were all about stamping.  I still hadn't started a blog, but I took pictures of my cards and uploaded them to my gallery at Splitcoast. I was nervous at first, thinking that no one would comment, but stampers are so nice!  I got a ton of comments.  For example, one super sweet person wrote,

"Bless your heart, you do like a lot of eyelets, don't you?"


And then, just as things had settled back into an easy routine, I got an email from my stamping friend, Francie, the hostess for the first GDWS workshop I had attended. 

Francie wrote, "Hey M, want to go to CHA?"

Next:  Chapter 17


Betty said...

can't wait to hear about your trip to CHA - love reading your sunday morning chapters!

merryf said...

this is just the calm before the storm, right? Can't wait for the storm!

Joan B said...


Joan B said...

Yup! Like to pace the fun!

Susan Raihala said...

"Bless your heart, you do like a lot of eyelets, don't you."


Needed a good chuckle this evening, Joan. Thank you!

Susan said...

Such a treat to read these chapters! Thanks for your creativity Joan!

LauraJane:) said...

Oh my stars, M is going to CHA! I most definitely suffer from SCD, every day at noon to be exact.

Graciellie Design said...

Ha! Can't wait for the next one! 😂

TK said...

Great story -- waiting for next chapter!

Debra said...

Lol, M needs to make a 'good' stamping friend .. One that will tell her she's got too much glitter on her cards (or too many eyelets)! Is that what's going to happen at CHA? Can you make her into a respectable stamper and save her marriage? Guess we'll have to stay tuned to find out.. Surely John won't sit back and let her go to CHA alone .. Can't wait fir the next installment..

Dorothy C. said...

Oh no!!! Hey, maybe she'll meet Tim H. and pal around with him. Looking forward to the next chapter.

Debra said...

Wow, great idea Dorothy! Joan, this would be a great time to see a different side of Tim - or any other famous crafters lol!

Erica said...

I shudder to think I have spent $23K on my craft supplies. Your list didn't include an embossing machine, or electronic cutter. Did someone mention March is craft month?

Leslie Miller said...

Oh, no! Not CHA! Oh, that list... makes me want to go clean out my stamp room. I identify way too much with M.

Debbie Doughty said...

I can only imagine the mischief M will get into at CHA! I'm already smiling just thinking about it!

Unknown said...

"pictures of glitter".....lolol! love it so much!!

R.M.Vasquez said...

Too funny! I'm hooked.

Suzanne Russell said...

What a hoot! Thanks you Susan Raihala for directing me to Dear Paperlicious. Looking forward to the next chapter

Erika said...

I love your story! My husband asked me why I was smiling and giggeling so I told him. He said he could understand M's husband. I don't know what he is talking about!? 😉😊
Looking forward to the rest of your story.

darlawelch said...

OMG!!! Just discovered you this morning and have read your "book" from Prologue through Chapter 16. What a hoot! I can't believe someone is writing about ME ... oh, it's not really me? Well, close enough. Can't wait until tomorrow to see Chapter 17.

Diana K said...

"For example, M was unable to participate in several highly competitive stamping "challenges," depriving her of the opportunity to come in first place, and the ability to feel like an artist for an hour and a half." Laughing my pants off!

marilyn said...

I am binge reading this almost 5 years later and this is hilarious! So amazing how one person has so much creative talent and I have virtually zip (which is why I started stamping to begin with!)
So impressed with your writing ability and sense of humor that of course we all can relate to in the stamping world....
On to the next chapter...

Sharon said...

"self healing mat, mat needing bandages" Hahahaha! This whole list is perfect! Except you haven't discovered dies yet at this point. :) I remember reading this "novel" when you were first writing it, but I am thoroughly enjoying reading it all again now! I started at the beginning and have been laughing along again. You are so funny!