Top Ten Tips on Getting Ready for Surgery

Since surgery is pretty common, I thought I'd share my super successful (so far) top 10 tips on getting ready for my heart surgery. And because we all differ, I'm offering options for each tip.

You're welcome.

1a. You can choose to be afraid, or you woman up and face surgery like the warrior you are.

OR

1b. Drugs. Start them now. Screw the opioid epidemic.

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2a. This is an opportunity to get into the best shape possible. Eat healthy. Drink lots of water. Get outside and move.

OR

2b. Since you are going to die anyway, treat every meal like your last meal. Water is polluted; stick to diet coke, or better yet frappucinos. Stay inside -- a plane can drop on your head while you are outside.

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3a. It's not all about you. Give something of yourself to others every day.

OR

3b. You only have one life. Grab everything you can while you can.

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4a.  Medical care is expensive. Be responsible. Quit spending money on craft supplies.

OR

4b. HA HA HA

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5a. Stay off google!!!! It's full of information that is going to scare the crap out of you. Just listen to what your doctors say. They know what they are doing.

OR

5b. Did you know that you can get weekly Cardiac Practice Updates sent right to your email? I wonder if they'll go radial first when they do the caths or use the typical groin approach?

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6a. Leave your docs and nurses alone. They are busy. Quit asking questions. And don't include citations to journals when you do ask questions. It really aggravates them.

OR

6b. Your docs and nurses are busy and don't have time to keep up on the latest developments. They really appreciate it when you reach out and keep them up to date on the latest research.

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7a. Shut up. Your medical issues are putting your friends (and blog readers) to sleep.

OR

7b. Talk about the surgery all the time, particularly when out with friends. Keep your blog readers posted on every detail. Your medical issues are fascinating.

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8a. Make lots of healthy meals in advance and put them in the freezer. 

OR

8b. See tip #2b. Dead men don't eat. 

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9a. Be a "compliant" patient. Do what your doctors say.

OR

9b. It's your body!! Don't let "the man" tell you what to do. Experiment! What do you have to lose?

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10a. Being a caretaker is worse than being the patient. Treat your caretaker well.

OR

10b. Being a caretaker is worse than being the patient. Treat your caretaker very, very, very well.