Jul 5, 2017

Top Ten Tips on Getting Ready for Surgery

Since surgery is pretty common, I thought I'd share my super successful (so far) top 10 tips on getting ready for my heart surgery. And because we all differ, I'm offering options for each tip.

You're welcome.

1a. You can choose to be afraid, or you woman up and face surgery like the warrior you are.

OR

1b. Drugs. Start them now. Screw the opioid epidemic.

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2a. This is an opportunity to get into the best shape possible. Eat healthy. Drink lots of water. Get outside and move.

OR

2b. Since you are going to die anyway, treat every meal like your last meal. Water is polluted; stick to diet coke, or better yet frappucinos. Stay inside -- a plane can drop on your head while you are outside.



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3a. It's not all about you. Give something of yourself to others every day.

OR

3b. You only have one life. Grab everything you can while you can.

***

4a.  Medical care is expensive. Be responsible. Quit spending money on craft supplies.

OR

4b. HA HA HA
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5a. Stay off google!!!! It's full of information that is going to scare the crap out of you. Just listen to what your doctors say. They know what they are doing.

OR

5b. Did you know that you can get weekly Cardiac Practice Updates sent right to your email? I wonder if they'll go radial first when they do the caths or use the typical groin approach?

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6a. Leave your docs and nurses alone. They are busy. Quit asking questions. And don't include citations to journals when you do ask questions. It really aggravates them.

OR

6b. Your docs and nurses are busy and don't have time to keep up on the latest developments. They really appreciate it when you reach out and keep them up to date on the latest research.

***

7a. Shut up. Your medical issues are putting your friends (and blog readers) to sleep.

OR

7b. Talk about the surgery all the time, particularly when out with friends. Keep your blog readers posted on every detail. Your medical issues are fascinating.



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8a. Make lots of healthy meals in advance and put them in the freezer. 

OR

8b. See tip #2b. Dead men don't eat. 

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9a. Be a "compliant" patient. Do what your doctors say.

OR

9b. It's your body!! Don't let "the man" tell you what to do. Experiment! What do you have to lose?

***

10a. Being a caretaker is worse than being the patient. Treat your caretaker well.

OR

10b. Being a caretaker is worse than being the patient. Treat your caretaker very, very, very well.

35 comments:

  1. I love your sense of humor, Joan. Keeping you in my prayers. ♥

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  2. OMG how do you come up with this stuff? You crack me up. Bless you on your surgery. Jill K

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  3. I hear the snarky courage and fear. Courage wins out and this girl has big shoulders. Wish I lived closer for you.

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  4. you can add this to 4a - you will have loads of time to read blogs and buy crafting stuff that others recommend (don't ask me how i know) so be sure to have your ipad or laptop with you in the hospital - and i know you will come thru this just fine - hugs and prayers.

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    1. ordering will be my fun time!!! thanks. hope you are continuing to improve

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  5. I'm not asleep. Been thinking about you a lot. Barb mentioned courage and fear... yup, courage wins out. And Betty... OMG, yes! I can imagine the post-surgery shopping! You're going to sail through this just fine, Joan. Can't keep a good woman down.

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    1. thanks so much. There will be lots of post surgery shopping. I'm purposely not buying anything now because I know I'll need the fun distraction later.

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  6. I adore you! And I'm so down with 2b, 8b and 10b xo

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    1. yum me too! right back at you. When am I coming to Austin!!!??

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  7. Hahaha, yes!!! Love your suggestions. Been there, make sure they don't goof up!!!

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  8. Love your take on Surgery, especially as this is surgical month for our family. YE HI! Had me rolling on the floor which now is a good thing!

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    1. ooh good luck to your family members!!!!!

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  9. This is so funny Joan! I love your sense of humour. I had 5 surgeries in 8 years and 3 of them were major surgeries. My MIL used to ask me if I was afraid of being "put to sleep". She said she was always afraid she wouldn't wake up! This question took me aback and I was shocked at her question. After recovering from the question, I told her, "HELL NO! I have every intention of waking up!" I went in there to be 'fixed' NOT to give up! And YOU will too Joan, I have a feeling you made of tougher stuff than that! Stay positive and listen to your Dr.s and think about all of the craft stuff you will buy after to keep you 'resting' while you recover! Maybe a little retail therapy before you go in will help you look forward to recovery.... Praying for you!

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    1. oh my goodness I am sorry you went through so much. I am not worried about not waking up. I'm worried about what happens after I wake up! HA

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    2. I am sure you will do fine Joan! When I went through mine I also had 2 young children but I did fine! Our bodies are much tougher than we realize and medicine has advanced a lot over the years, I have no doubt that you will be better for it! {{{HUGS & PRAYERS going your way!)

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  10. I'm all about 2B! I'm saying prayers for your speedy and complete recovery.

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  11. As a retired OR nurse I love your list. Take good care Joan.
    dmc4042

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  12. Love your post -- both A and B seem to be best --
    Good luck to you -- you know you've got lots of prayers and good wishes in the blog world. And I'm sure many more in your real world.

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  13. Too funny post! Best wishes to you. I'm facing surgery too and appreciate your take on it all. Love #7a & b.

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    1. sorry to read this. take care of yourself!!!

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  14. This is an perfect and complete list! I've had 28 surgeries in my 51 years thanks to toxic shock syndrome when I was 17. Your blog never fails to make me laugh, your cards are gorgeous, and your stories are excellent. You, your doctors and your family are in my prayers.

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    1. Lisa, HUGS. that is one scary set of experiences. Hope you are well now.

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  15. This was a hilarious post! I have been thinking of you and wondering how you are doing. Sending lots of hugs your way. <3

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  16. Cracked up reading this! Been there, done that!!! You think you have crazy worries and thoughts about surgery? Try getting a cancer diagnosis! #'s 1-5 were on my list too. My #6 was How do I spend my time??? Do I spend every last minute with my family, which is what I wanted. Or do I scrapbook like crazy to document as much as I can in case I don't make it? Or do I clean and purge the house so my family isn't confronted with going through all my crap if I died. I didn't want them to save junk that wasn't even important to me. Luckily I'm still here, though so is all my junk... probably still should do something about that! LOL

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  17. You're so funny, Joan! Best wishes!

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  18. Sending positive vibes your way, girl! But I see you've already got 'em. Especially with those bold beautiful cards above this post.

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