Ambulance, emergency room, and it was quickly clear that the ICD had "misfired," meaning it had tortured me by mistake as opposed to saving my life. My heart was fine, but my head was not. Spent a night in the hospital and did not move except to go to the bathroom. I sat upright in the bed, afraid that the ICD would go off again. I insisted that they turn off the ICD and one doc after another declined to do so. Finally I heard from my own doc who tried his best to convince me to keep it on, but I persisted, and eventually they turned off the ICD. (They use some type of magnet and software).
The Hard Place: On the other hand, if I let them turn it back on, I will sit in a chair afraid to breathe, walk on the stairs, stamp, drive, take a shower, or go to sleep. Eventually, I'll die of boredom from re-watching every episode of Law and Order and might even have to watch Law and Order Criminal Intent, which is a seriously creepy way to go. I start to shake just thinking of turning it back on.
I have an appointment next week with my other cardiologist -- the "device doctor" -- and will try and get the courage to turn it back on, if she can explain to me why it misfired and why it is unlikely to misfire again (some folks have a series of misfires -- it goes off every 30 seconds for 5, 10, 20 times or more. I shudder.) Not sure I can do it though.
In case you are wondering why I'm writing about this on the blog, I will tell you it is my way of processing the decision and coping with the anxiety. I do not know what I will do, but in the meantime, guess how much I spent on stamps, inks, and dies in the past eleven days?***
I'll let you know what I decide....thanks for listening!
* Interestingly, Mike tells me that he found the cauliflower unwrapped on the counter. Apparently, the shock took out some brain cells.
** As I mentioned here, I have a heart condition that could cause sudden cardiac arrest.
*** A lot.